 | Things to think about when choosing between natural labor and D&C surgery: |
Do I want to wait for a natural miscarriage?
Advantages: If you wait, you can feel certain that there was no mistake made. When the baby comes you will know that nature has run its course. You can go home instead of going immediately to a hospital or office procedure. You can take a little time to say goodbye and gather loved ones around you.
Disadvantages: This can take several days and be extremely painful and scary. You may have to have a D&C anyway if everything does not come out (called an incomplete abortion). It may be distressing to think of walking around with your baby who is no longer living. Having tissue come at home may be frightening and you may feel awkward trying to save it, although you must if you want any testing done.
Do I want a D&C?
Advantages: This is mostly painless and will get you back on track to start trying again much sooner. The physical part of the ordeal will end.
Disadvantages: There is some risk of damaging the cervix during dilation, although that has mostly been taken care of by using laminaria, or seaweed sticks to dilate you gently overnight. Some doctors now use a cream to begin dilation. (If this will not be done, ask if you are going to be dilated (very early pregnancies may not need it), and how. Mechanical dilation is riskier. Some women also worry about punctures or perforations of the uterus. While this is a possibility, the risk is small. Even if this should this happen, the uterus will usually heal without complications or harm to your next pregnancy. The main disadvantage to this procedure is that you will not get to see the baby, ever. If you are pretty far along, this may be very important.
If your doctor does not agree with your decision to either wait or to have a D&C, GET A SECOND OPINION. This is your baby and your life. If you need a second opinion, a good place to go is a women's hospital or clinic, where they usually focus on you, not the procedure, and help you make the best decision based on all the information available.
The Gray Area
The death of your baby becomes a legal issue somewhere between 20-28 weeks gestation. Some countries, or regions within a country, require labor and delivery at 24 weeks; some allow the doctor some discretion. Naturally, if you have already begun early labor, you may not have a choice. If your labor could be stopped, then the miscarriage might not happen at all. Otherwise, the cause of the miscarriage is usually Fetal Demise, and if the baby died well before the exam that showed no heartbeat, then it may measure out smaller than the pregnancy would indicate.
There will be a viability point, usually at 24 weeks, where you have no choice but to deliver the baby. To find out more about this, and whether or nor you want or will be able to have your baby's remains, you may want to read about the politics of fetal death.
| Things to think about when choosing between a D&E and induced labor: |
Do I want a D&E (if eligible)?
Advantages: This is mostly painless and will get you back on track to start trying again much sooner. The physical part of the ordeal will end.
Disadvantages: This is terrible to say, but it is what I think about almost every day—your baby will come out in pieces. You will never see your baby, and if you are like me, where the baby was too small to see its sex and the chromosome tests do not come out, you will never even know if your baby was a boy or a girl.
Do I want to deliver the baby through labor?
Advantages: You will get to hold your baby, take a picture if you want, and say goodbye. It will be very, very hard and sad, but it will make you feel better later.
Disadvantages: Although this is not always the case, the drugs they give you to dilate your cervix and induce labor might make you very sick—throwing up, diarrhea, some women have mentioned hallucinations and terrible fear. It can take many hours or even days to get dilated enough to get the baby out. And the result is the same: you have done all this labor to see a baby that is not alive.
Different doctors will push different options. Weigh them the best you can and make sure you get what you want. Even if you regret your decision later (as I do), remember that there simply is no good way to deliver a dead baby. It's a terrible thing no matter what.