Do I need to go to the doctor if I think I've been pregnant and had a
miscarriage?
If you have had a positive pregnancy test
and have lost the baby, yes, you absolutely must go to the doctor. You do
not want to jeopardize your health. If you are unsure about whether or
not you were pregnant and lost the baby or if you were not pregnant to begin
with, it always best to go a doctor or clinic. It is probably time to discuss a
safe, effective method of birth control anyway.
AN IMPORTANT NOTE: If your blood type is rH negative, such as O negative, A
negative, B negative, or AB negative, and you suspect at all that you were
pregnant, see a doctor immediately. If you miscarry an rH positive baby
without getting a certain shot to prevent antibodies being produced, then you
may jeopardize every pregnancy you will ever have in your life. Don't mess
around with this. Ask your mom your blood type, and get help. There is a time
limit on the effectiveness of this shot.
I don't want this baby. Can I make myself have a
miscarriage?
No, you can't. Movies often show women who
fall down stairs or have accidents and lose their babies. This is not really
true. The baby is well cushioned in the body and will not be harmed by
falls, kicks, blows, or other violence to the stomach. Only the mother will
get hurt. If you are here, reading this, then I know
you are desperate. You have to get help from someone. Yes, it is going to be
very hard. Embarrassing. Horrible. But so are the alternatives, harming
yourself or giving birth to a baby with severe birth defects
because you have tried to use alcohol or drug abuse to end
the pregnancy. If you're thinking of this, you are not
alone, young women write me at least once a week in this
situation. Do not be ashamed of how frantic you feel. It's
okay. But remember, you have
options, wherever you are. You do not have to resort to desperate measures. Be wise and make your choices well.
I didn't want this baby I lost. So why am I so sad?
Even if the pregnancy was unwanted, you
had charted a new course in your life. That new course is now gone and you
are back to regular life. You are going to be sad and bewildered. This is
expected. Even if you were going to give the baby up, you are sad because a
little life is gone. Remember too that much of what you feel is part of the
hormone changes your body is going through. All women experience a
"baby blues" period after a pregnancy, regardless of how it ended.
It will fade. You will feel better again. Give yourself some time.
I am so sad about losing the baby, I think I want to
get pregnant again right away.
Part of what you feel is the hormone
change going on in your body following the pregnancy. You will soon recover
from this part of your loss. Make sure you are really thinking about what
you want in your future before you make such a huge decision. Remember all
the challenges you were going to have to face if you had the baby. Are you
ready to love and support and raise a child? Are you ready to give up all
that has be sacrificed to make a baby happy? Who will be glad for you that
you are pregnant again?
Also remember that women are advised to
wait several menstrual cycles before trying again. There are many risks to
unprotected sex until you are healed, and you want to make sure
the miscarriage is completely over before trying again (sometimes
the miscarriage leaves tissue inside causing new bleeding a few
weeks later). Definitely do not attempt a
second pregnancy without visiting a doctor, who must make sure your body is
ready for another pregnancy.
The time for babies will come. I hope you
can wait until that time is right, hopefully when you are
settled and everyone is joyful about the news.
Skye
My
mom took me to the clinic where they had free pregnancy testing. It felt even worse when a guy that my mom had known from church came out
and asked me if I could give a urine sample. My mom was pretty embarrassed.
I did so and gave him the cup. The
guy came in and asked a bunch of questions like: my age, if I had a boyfriend,
if he would be supportive, what was I going to do if I was.
I asked if I was pregnant and he
said, “you definitely are.”
I was in shock. I couldn’t
breathe. All I thought was, "fifteen and pregnant!"
I immediately asked for my mom. She
knew right away and started lecturing like she always does.
We never get along. I told
her I was sorry. She said not to be
sorry but that it was going to be hard. The doctor asked me what I was going to
go to do. I knew already from thinking about it before.
I was going to keep my baby.
As soon as I got home I called
Luke (the baby’s father and my boyfriend).
He was so happy. Finally he told his mom.
She blamed the whole thing on me. “Why wasn’t she on birth control?
Why was she having unprotected sex?”
Luke
ended up coming over that night. About an hour after he got there, his mom
called and was yelling and lecturing that she wasn’t going to help us and she
wasn’t supporting this at all. All
the drama scared him and he didn’t want the baby anymore.
We fought forever it felt like. Finally
I broke down and said, “Fine, I’ll kill our child,” even though deep in my
heart I thought differently. We
went to bed; he woke me up early in the morning and told me he wanted to keep
the baby. I was so happy!
A couple days went by and I had
my first OB appointment. I was so
excited. My mom and my dad took me.
They took tons of blood. They
checked it for iron levels, Rh factor, immunities, and rubella virus.
I had to give another urine sample. They checked that for protein, and
hCG. They also took my blood
pressure and my weight. Then I had
to explain all my family history along with Luke’s.
After about an hour and a half of that, I had to go sit back in the
waiting room.
A
little later a nurse came out and said I had to see the nurse practitioner.
My OB doctor had a delivery. They
put me in a room and told me to get undressed and put this gown thing on. I got
undressed and put the paper towel material gown on, waiting patiently.
The lady came in and explained everything she would be doing. I laid back
and she pushed on my stomach and then did a breast exam. It hurt more than
anything because my breast were so tender from being pregnant.
Next was the Pap smear part. This was my first one.
It didn’t hurt but I felt a lot of pressure.
She did an STD check and swabbed for bacteria. Then she did a pelvic
exam. She stuck two fingers inside while pushing on my stomach. She was checking the size of my uterus. After she was done she said everything looked fine.
Just take good care of myself. We left. By then it was lunchtime. I was
still feeling nauseated so I went home and went to bed.
Everything was going fine,
besides my mom and I fighting. Then
Monday came. When I came home from
school my mom said the doctors office had called.
I was supposed to call them right away.
So I called and asked to talk to a nurse.
When the nurse got on the phone she said my STD testing came back. I had
chlamydia. That was a total shock to me. I didn’t know anything about it. The
nurse explained that it was a bacterial infection, antibiotics treated it. She
assured me that it wouldn’t hurt my baby.
That’s when I started getting really stressed out.
My school wasn’t cooperating, at all, Luke was still doing drugs, my
mom and I were still fighting, and I was still worried about any other STDs. I
was so stressed out. It was like I
was the only one who wanted this baby.
The week went by fine. I started
my new school for pregnant teens. It was teaching me a lot about the baby and my
body. I was having cramping in the
beginning of the week. I thought it was just my uterus stretching. Then Thursday
came. It was right before lunch and I went to the bathroom. There were two brown
discharge spots on my underwear. I immediately got scared. Everything went
through my mind. Like when Luke and me read bedtime stories to the baby, when we
went to Sears to pick out a stroller and crib, when my mom brought home some
baby clothes, or when we picked out the names. After I sat in the bathroom for
about five minutes I went and told my teacher. She made me call my doctors. They
told me if the discharge turned bright red and I had cramping call back. I made
it through the rest of the day but I was still worried.
When
I went to the bathroom I had a pinkish discharge with stringy things. I was home
all by myself. I started freaking out and called the doctor right away. They
told me to come down there as soon as possible. Amazingly my mom came home right
when I got off the phone. She took me down there. They gave me a pelvic exam. He
said everything was fine, I just had yeast infection and that my uterus was a
little small for almost being 10 weeks. He also told me my cervix was totally
closed and I wasn’t miscarrying. He scheduled an ultrasound for the following
Monday. I went home a little scared but I was okay because my cervix was totally
closed.
Thursday went by and Friday
night I started bleeding like a period. I called the doctor and they said it was probably from them
messing around up there. They told me to keep off my feet and put them at heart
level. I went to bed. Saturday went by fine until I started having what felt
like cramps. My bleeding was getting heavier too. Luke and I went down to the
emergency room. We waited three and a half hours until I was finally seen. The
doctor came in and said he was going to look first then have an ultrasound done.
I started getting anxious but I was relieved because I was for sure going to
find out what was wrong with me. They got me ready to give me a pelvic exam.
After he was done, he stood up and said my cervix was opened. I asked if I was
having a miscarriage. He said it was possible. He left the room, while the nurse
was cleaning me up from all the blood loss. I lay there crying with Luke by my
side while the nurse was wiping me like I was a baby.
I was taken down for an
ultrasound. They started with a normal stomach one. They couldn’t see anything
that way. So they ended up doing a vaginal ultrasound. I immediately recognized
my baby. There was no blinking to indicate a heartbeat. Then she said she
couldn’t see a heartbeat. I realized my baby was dead. I wasn’t going to be
a mother. Luke wasn’t going to be a dad. I was in the process of having my
dead baby. They gave me Vicodin for
the contractions and sent me home.
I
was lost. I lay there in shock, not knowing what to do, wondering why everything
bad always happens to me. I finally fell asleep with Luke by my side.
I
woke up the next morning still bleeding not feeling the contractions until about
three pm. Luke’s mom and family came over to visit me. Luke left and I lay
there in pain. I got up trying to do things to take away the pain. I didn’t
understand why the Vicodin wasn’t working. About six-thirty I couldn’t even
stand. My mom took me back to the emergency room where they gave me a shot of
pain medication. That worked. I cried and cried.
I just wanted it to be over. I wished Luke were there. I needed him by my
side. They did another pap smear and some of the baby came out. I looked at the
pieces. That was my child. I went
home and called Luke to come over. Later that night I delivered the rest of my
child.
I ended up going back to the
doctor the next day. Everything was fine. My cervix was closing. It was all
over. I had given birth to my dead child. The next day I went over to Luke’s
house to help him comfort his family, not knowing I was going to be told that he
had lost feelings for me.
Now I look and realize all this
made me stronger…. But now I’m attached to the thought of having a baby.
Don’t worry I took the safe route and got the Depo shot. Luke and I are
working on our relationship. We talk everyday about when we think we will be
ready to try again. I’m making a memorial for our child. We hope and pray next
time when were older and mature everything will go fine!!!
Rest In Peace
Skye J
I hope my writing will help
other teenage girls that go or have gone through the same thing. Also, this
helps me because I could explain the story in my own words and get all my
feelings out about it. I’m trying to start my own web site about miscarriage
and teen pregnancy. I give thanks and support to all teen mothers and everyone
else who reads this. To the girls who are in my shoes, some of us wonder if we
are still mothers. This is what an anonymous mother who miscarried said:
You conceived a child.
You carried a child within your body.
You birthed a child in blood and pain.
If your child survived long enough in the womb you might of even held your
child.
YOU ARE A MOTHER!
Dylan
When I was 16 I found out I was pregnant and 17 when my son Dylan was born and
died, he lived for 19 hours.
Here's my story.
When Aaron and I first found out I was
pregnant we were shocked. I was only 16 years old and we had to break it
to our families. Soon they all got used to the idea and we were all very
excited. I was hoping for a baby boy so when I went to my 20 week
scan and found I was expecting a little boy I was over the moon.
All through my pregnancy I worried that something would go wrong, but
when I was around 20 weeks I finally thought that every thing would
be fine and I calmed down a bit. We started looking through loads of
catalogs and choosing exactly what buggy and furniture we wanted, we
couldn't wait to buy it all. I really wanted to start buying clothes for
our baby so we decided that because my 17th birthday was coming up in a couple
of weeks if I could wait until then. I would be at a reasonable
stage in my pregnancy to buy clothes for our baby... So on May 20th we
went into our local town and bought bottles, dummies, bibs, a towel and his
clothes he would wear on the way home from the hospital.
On my birthday, I had my 22 week check up at my doctors and everything
was going well. Every day I would look in the bag at all the things I
had bought him, I was just so excited, all day long he would kick me but
never when Aaron had his hand on my stomach to feel it. Then one night we were
laying in bed and Aaron felt him kick for the first time. We were so happy.
Six days after that appointment, I woke up and rushed to the toilet (as was
normal by then, a baby doesn't leave much room for a bladder), then made some
breakfast and sat down to watch TV. At around 11 am, I started getting
some light pains in my stomach.. I told Aaron but I didn't think nothing
much of it, throughout the day, the pains started getting stronger and
more frequent, I looked on the Internet and decided they were Braxton Hicks
(false) contractions.
It seems stupid now, but to me they just weren't that painful...
Everyone always tells you, "when you'rein labour, you'll know." I carried
on with my day as best I could, but by around 3 pm I started to get
really worried so I sent Aaron a text message to tell him. It then got to
the stage that when these pains came I had to stop what I was doing,
but my mum had arranged to come around that evening so I thought I
would talk to her, it was now 5:30 in the evening and Aaron called to let me
know he was leaving work.
By that time I was getting uncomfortable and he
rushed home. I then heard a knock on the door and it was my mum, I told
her about the pains and she was quite worried. Aaron then came home and wanted
to call my midwife, but she didn't work on Thursdays, so he decided to call a
help line. When Aaron told them my symptoms, they told us to ring the
labour ward, he rang the labour ward & they told him to bring me in
straight away. None of us had the means to drive to the hospital, so we
had to wait for Aaron's sister to come and pick us up to take us
there, as I would've found it difficult to walk. We did not know where the
labour ward was so we walked to try and find it, by now these pains were
coming every 90-60 seconds.
I had to go to the toilet yet again, so we found one, I
then found out I was bleeding. We finally found the labour ward. I
was so scared I didn't even know if my baby was still alive yet it took a
midwife ages to come and see me, every time I felt a pain I was
really worried then I would feel a kick and then know that my baby was
still alive.
Finally around 45 minutes after I arrived, a mid wife came to see me. She
monitored my blood pressure, which was fine, then my temperature and that was
a bit high. After that she hooked me up to a machine to monitor my baby's
heart beat. She had trouble finding it at first, and I was so worried but
then she found it and told me it was fine and I was over the moon. A
consultant came in and told me that I was nearly fully dilated and what I
had thought was Braxton Hicks were actually contractions.
My heart sunk. I felt numb... I knew that at 23 weeks my baby
barely stood a chance, Aaron was holding my hand crying but I couldn't
even cry. The doctor gave me a drug that made me really sleepy. Contractions
were coming nearly on top of each other and all I really remember was a
man asking if I wanted them to try and resuscitate my baby after it was
born, I was so sleepy and confused it took me about 10 minutes to realize
what he said and answered yes. After that all I remember is my body
pushing then something happening, I thought my waters had broke but at
10:40 pm , I had actually give birth to my little boy.
He was born in the sac, then a doctor took my baby away and I didn't get
to see him. Another Doctor put a needle in my leg and took away the placenta.
We named our son Dylan, before he was taken down to the neonatal ward I
was allowed one quick glimpse of him. He was so perfect I saw him kick
his leg up and move his tiny fingers. I then had a shower and I was moved
on to the maternity ward. They let Aaron stay with me, but it was really
horrible as we were put in a double room and the woman opposite had her baby.
Me and Aaron kept crying because we wanted our baby to be with us.
At around 2:30 am we were finally allowed to go and see
our son properly for the first time. He was so small yet he was completely
formed, He weighed 1 pound, 8 ounces. I couldn't touch him at first because he
was just so tiny and I was scared that I would hurt him. His eyes
were still closed and he had so many tubes in him. We were told he was doing
well and he was a good weight for his age, I couldn't be with him for
long, I was so tired and I couldn't stand up for long. I had to
leave my baby and go back to the ward. That was the worst night of my life,
all night I was kept awake by the crying baby opposite. The next morning
I woke up, then went straight to see Dylan the doctors told us that he had
deteriorated and had to be put on a better ventilator, so me and Aaron called
in our parents and we got him baptized.
Dylan was then given an injection for his lungs and he
got stronger, he was put back on the original ventilator. Aaron and I
were so happy, we took my brother and my friend to meet him, everybody then
went. I had a rest, I was just getting settled then a midwife said that
Aaron and I had to go down to neonatal immediately, we rushed down to our
little man but he was deteriorating rapidly. We were then told that our baby
was dying.
That was when we got to hold our baby for the first time. The doctor then took
all the tubes out and he died peacefully in our arms. After that we went in to
another room and cuddled him and washed him and changed his nappy and dressed
him for the first time.
Our parent's couldn't handle seeing us hold our
dead child. We were so lucky that we got to meet him and tell him we love him
and tell him how special he is. We had a quiet little funeral for him at our
local cemetery, I try to see him every day but Aaron doesn't always
finish work in time. My Dad has made him a little cross with a brass plaque on
it and he has lots of teddies on his grave.
When we went to see Dylan at the funeral parlour we wrapped him in a blanket
and placed his 'going home' clothes over him, we put a bib on him and placed a
photo of us by his head, we also gave him a little teddy, a bottle, a dummy
and wrote a little letter to him. My parents placed a card in with him and
Aaron's parents picked him a few small flowers. It has now been 7 months
since Dylan passed away and we are still finding it really hard. Dylan was our
little angel, the best thing that ever happened to us. He was our number one,
our first child, our everything.
Aaron and I have since gotten married and are now trying for our second
child, we realize this child will NEVER in any way replace Dylan but we
were meant to be knee high in in toys and dirty nappies 7 months ago!!
We have also created a site in the memory of our darling son it's: http://babydylan-royce-souppouris.memory-of.com
